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16 May 2012

Cancelled the auto update on twitter for every new entry I made because I do not want ppl to think that I'm attracting attention.

 

Im sad, really. And very guilt-ridden. I know I sound like I do not care and is pretty much enjoying myself on twitter. I don't wish to whine and emo in my tweets cos I hate ppl doing the same too.

 

Just got home. Everyone knows what happened between me and him. They asked me questions when I'm alone with any one of them. They told me, "no matter how cheerful u may look, we all know u are sad. U don't sound normal today."

 

My words are Inproportionate to how happy I am. The lesser I say, I hurt more.

 

Yea u may say I'm bullshitting. Whatever~

 

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Irrational thoughts

Told myself I could do better but I failed. Like a graph with a negative gradient. I'm 22. I haven't done my best.

 

Realised I think more when I feel alone, when I really have no one to turn to. Maybe that's why ppl around me are growing and I have not. I have been depending too much on ppl. Searching for comfort zone in the arms of others.

 

That shouldn't be the case.

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12th Day

Tomorrow is LAUNDRY DAY!

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Some bitch should die

8 days now.

 

Don't u understand that no matter how much u whine and persuade, it's not gonna change my mind? Even if one day I'm being chased out from where I am now, I will still look for another place to stay. I really hate that place. Even if I have no cash on hand, I will teach more tuition to support myself. I don't wanna go back and face the same reason why I wanna move out 4 years back.

Even if I move back now, how certain are you that I won't move out and never come back in 2 years time?

I really wish to be left alone, I wanna figure things out myself, like I always do. I prefer to learn in my own way, fall at my mistake, man up and move again.

 

I'm the master of my own destiny.

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Under someone else's roof.

Been living under Mr Lee's roof for 5 days now and even though it still feels kind of weird, at least I don't get to see/hear people I don't wish to every day.

 

Living alone is not really easy. You gotta do your own laundry, make your own bed, wake yourself up to go to work every weekday, buy your own necessities, etc... Whatever help you get from home will not follow you all around. You will be afraid that if you do something wrong and that's it, you aren't welcomed to stay anymore. I feel so disciplined here. You'll see me buzzing around keeping the room clean, folding clothes and putting them back to where they should be. I don't get to see my nephews and I don't get to meet my friends easily (because they are all staying in the West and I'm staying in the North East).

 

I'm doing this all for one reason, I don't wanna face that bitch. Not because I'm afraid of her, not because I'm afraid of his son, I'm just afraid of what other damage I could do to my home with my anger. I'm afraid of my own anger. I don't care who you are or where you come from when hatred and anger burn intensely all over my mind. Here, in this house, I'm free from all mental torture. I feel happier here. No stress, no need to listen to scoldings, disgusting voices, aiya I just hate her lah okay?

 

When she told me that 5 years down the road, her son will do what I did to her. WHAT? Her son will be 15 years old so I believe she's trying to tell me she wants to train a hooligan starting from now? Why should I be scared of them? I strongly believe her son will be more mature than her in years to come if he gets proper guidance from PROPER ppl and not from ppl who is mentally imbalance like his mother. From what she said, she also reminded me that the hatred I have for her that has been accumulating since young.

 

Can't believe I trusted her when I was 12. She was so sweet and nice during her pregnancy days. It was all a lie. One does not simply turn angelic immediately. FAKE, the only word I can think of that suits her. Bitch please. Fuck lah I just hate her lah.

 

So stop asking me to go home my friends and family members. I will do it when I think it's time..

 

Jordan's tiny hands

Randall's hand

 

Did not take Lester's hand because he's at school and when he got home I forgot!

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26 April 2012

HI! I'M ON MEDICAL LEAVE YAY! I did not chao keng please! I have allergy!

This damn insect bite seems really negligible! but what comes next was unbearable. ITCHY, SWOLLEN, MUSCLE ACHE! DAMN ALEX CLARKE! ALL YOUR FAULT! Right now it's almost 20 times the initial size. damn it.

This is only the 2nd day. didnt take picture after. Who wants to take of their own thighs everyday.

 

Well, I have this colleague who owns an iPad. His mum bought him an iPad cover of the same kind as me. 

Mine's red, his black

 

Seriously? Who would buy polka dots for their son. His mum is really cool!

 

 

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Nothing special, a Just-Wanna-Write-Something day.

Okay, it's pretty obvious that I hadn't post anything about excessive anger since..... 8 march 2012. Well, I have been really busy since then, work, tuition, friends, family and project boyfriend. And especially after having that iPad, I found myself getting more and more reluctant to sit in front of the laptop just to type some shit out. Except to play my Age of Empire 3. Can't wait for Diablo III !!!






Having lots of outings with my friends over the weekends to places like Jones the Grocer and The Riders Cafe for brunch and a bar cum restaurant named Bar Bar Black Sheep at Boat Quay. More meet ups please!

Finally, imma receive the photos of my photo shoot last year. FINALLYYYYYYYYYYYY! After so long. Shall go pick it up this weekend!

Peace out!

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Excessive anger

When anger becomes excessive anger, it's a problem you gotta take note of.  I have been reading up a little just now and shall write it down, maybe tomorrow when I have more time to myself. Write down important things that I, myself, gotta take note of.

 

Basically this onsugar account gonna be an online notepad for me to jot down lil lil things I learn each day. So... I shan't be lazy and start doing notes. My brain can only carry that small amount of information. Writing them down is good. Kthxbye

 

Just a random thought, when was the last time Zhihua updated his blogspot?

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Just trying out blogging through my iPad. The only constraint I have with this stupid shit is that, I CANNOT UPLOAD PHOTOS! Other than that, it's a pretty good experience blogging through this small lil object. Okay now another limitation, kept auto correcting by itself. Fuck this shit.

But for the convenience, hmm.......

 

Anyway, recently I have been in a very very angst mood. Not very sure why but most probably because of my fixed orderly lifestyle. Yes I do always carry a planner around with me (recently just upgraded to this bulky piece of iPad) to keep myself organised so that I don't miss out any important events. I tend to be really forgetful at times but I realised, it has given me too much stress. I'm squeezing in too much "to-dos" into my already packed schedule just because I see a blank piece of space on my timeline.

 

Or even if I have a day off to go home straight after work, I still find myself rushing around at home to get things done before that 10.30pm time. I have no time to gym, or even watch my fav show on the net. OR EVEN PLAY MY FAV GAME!

 

I believe my current mood is a sign of my psychological mind trying to hold myself together to face this stupid shit lifestyle I'm in.

 

I read something on the net that an average person generate 70000 thoughts in a day. 70000!!!!! I really wonder how they count each thought. Ever number, every person and every object u visualise at the back of ur head is counted as one thought??  Then I must have met the quota. Thinking and thinking and thinking all day long and the only time I rest my bloody brain is when I'm in a game or during intensive work out. And my work out means REALLY WORK OUT and not the other work out.

 

Feeling incomplete.

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A special day for me.

Valentine's day to what we know now is a Day of Romance.

 

We see couples walking on the streets with a bouquet of fresh flowers in hand and we also hear singletinis grumble about how stupid this day is. Some of us even describe this special day as "Just another normal day."

 

Yes, it's another normal day, we have to work, go to school and it isn't even a public holiday.

There's this phrase/sentence circulating on social media  for the longest time, it says ' Everyday should be Valentine's day to every loving couple' . But have you gave this special date 14 Feb a deeper thought? Why does this date even exist? There's definitely more to this date than meets the eye.

 

This is a special date where lovers express their love to one another by presenting flowers, offering confectionary and sending greeting cards.

 

To me, Valentine's day is to spend quality time with each other. To let each other know that at this very special day, I only want you. I've never expected any fanciful gifts, flowers, chocolates, diamonds, whatsoever.

Some of you might say, "ala you say only, deep inside you still want to receive them what."

Of course having them on this special date is a plus plus plus point but it's NOT a must-do.

 

Well, I do not know what my main idea is but this is how i celebrated my Valentine's day this year. Must best Valentine's day yet.

 

everything compiled into one picture.

 

Mr Lee whipped up a scrumptious meal all by himself (with a little help from his mum) 2 days before the actual day. It consists of Rösti, Caesar Salad w/ Smoked Salmon, Mushroom Soup and Pancakes w/ B&J's Vanilla Ice-Cream.

And on the actual day, sadly, it was a Tuesday and he had to be in camp. Anyway, I received a bouquet of fresh roses during my working hours and yes they are from Far East Flora just in case some of you ask. 24 roses in total and its description can be found somewhere in the picture. Have fun looking for it. It comes with a card and a bar for dark chocolate. He said he could have bought 99 roses for me if it's available on Valentine's Day. Feeling really blessed and fortunate to have such a wonderful boyfriend who gave so much thought to this special day.

 

I haven't done anything for him yet and I really hope he isn't disappointed. Well, people celebrate this day differently so if you think u haven't received what you thought you should have already received, I can only tell you, spending time with you, eating the food you cooked and telling you how much I love you is the gift I wanna give you.

 

Don't worry my dear, White Day is coming. I know it's a day where man return favour to woman, I shall not follow the tradition. Shan't say much but I'll definitely come up with something.

 

Just hope that you learn to STOP misunderstanding me and STOP asking me to appreciate you like I don't do it at all.

 

Take it easy.

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